Kirinor, 12th day of Frostkolt, 432 AC
After Darkwatch Hour falling 10
Dragonlance to be Rebooted After Apocalypse
by Carteeg Struve, Staff Writer
Wizards of the Coast has finally announced what everybody has been waiting for. But in addition to the new sushi bar in their food court, the world of Krynn – home of the Dragonlance setting – will return as the primary core setting after the Earth is destroyed in the 2012 apocalypse.
"Up until this point," said WotC press secretary, "We've been focusing on three major settings. Two are Eberron and Forgotten Realms, which do their fair share. But our primary concern has always been the setting of Earth. Although not largely publicized, it's been our public relations and economic standing in Earth that we had made our main focus. However, of late things haven't been going as well. So, after a long debate between our board of chairmen and Hasbro, we've elected to shelve the Earth setting at the end of 2012 and replace it the following year with Krynn."
News of the core setting swap stunned many, if not all. Most fans and characters were all too joyous.
"I've been waiting my whole life for this," said one disturbing and scary Raistlin fangirl. "Early today I was on Amazon to pre-order my mage robes. My DM even found hoopaks being sold in bulk orders on Ebay. We're going to be so ready."
Unfortunately for some, there were additional details released later in the press conference. "Now, since the War of the Lance period was the most popular era of the game, we've decided that the world being re-introduced in 2013 will be a reboot of the series. 2013 AD will be a new and updated version of 351 AC."
This news was not taken well by many Krynnites. One original cast member, Flint Fireforge, has publicly announced he will not return for the reboot. "Once is enough! Find somebody else for Caramon to drown!" WotC said they have a new happy-go-lucky goth gnome girl ready to replace him.
[Update: Earlier today Flint begrudgingly stated that if they drop the gnome, he'll return.]
Some Krynnites still look forward to the reboot. "I'm game for a rematch," stated Takhisis. "What do I have to lose?"
"This will be so AWESOME!" said the disturbing and scary Raistlin fangirl. "Visiting Solace will be incredible. Maybe after some time goes by, I can even meet Raistlin's daughter!" After being reminded Usha was not actually Raistlin's daughter she replied, "Oh, she is for us. It's a house rule retcon for our games and fanfics. This will so rock. There will be evil dragons and gods to fight!"
"Are you people nuts!?" protested Dragonlance creator Tracy Hickman. "We'll all be killed! There will be evil dragons and gods to fight!"
Many Earth governments objected to WotC's decision, especially those who never heard of Dragonlance. "Please," responded WotC's press secretary, dismissing the complaints, "They're as important as 2nd and 3rd edition fans. Besides, the Earth setting was never that popular to begin with."