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Palast, 25th day of Reapember, 432 AC
Third Watch rising 11
The Palanthas Herald

Analytical Engine Opens to Praise, Condemnation

by BAAL the Goatlord, Staff Writer
Last Updated: Linaras, Deepkolt 27, 426 AC

Palanthas – Members of the public turned out in huge crowds for the opening of the controversial ale-house the Analytical Engine. Most patrons cheered the opening, consuming large quantities of steam brewed ale, wine and other beverages. The tavern owner, Master Aeronif of Mount Nevermind, was nowhere to be found, but his faithful servants Morte and Dolcine Brightwater were on hand to feed the hungry and serve the parched.

The controversy surrounding the Analytical Engine began back in Fleurgreen 430 AC, when Master Aeronif was operating his flying machine the Soaring Star over Palanthus. An unexplained mishap occurred and the machine careened into an old house in New City, by Horizon road. The crash destroyed the house and injured Master Aeronif, but luckily, no one else was hurt. The city fined Master Aeronif and sent him to the dungeons for a year. Some complained that the punishment was too lenient, but others admired Aeronif's spirit and his attempt to make things right. Master Aeronif purchased the house and land that the Soaring Star crashed into at a price most townsfolk considered "extremely generous," though the previous owner has refused to say how much he received.

Shortly after purchasing the land, Master Aeronif went back to work on his flying machine, but his servant Morte Brightwater soon discovered that the gnome had a knack for brewing ale and other beverages. It is rumored that the ale is derived from a lubricant and the wine from some kind of solvent, though Morte will not reveal it's content. The Herald attempted to contact Master Aeronif, but he refused to comment.

Morte and Dolcine Brightwater began to sell Aeronif's beverages out of a small cart and the popularity of the drinks grew quickly. From these humble beginnings, Morte and Dolcine grew their master's business into a thriving operation, allowing Master Aeronif to purchase more land surrounding the inn. It is rumored he is working on a much larger flying machine, though his servants are quiet on the matter.

Though the fair at the Analytical Engine is popular and a bit expensive, it has come under scrutiny from members of the Church of Kiri-Jolith. Deacon Jacob Minstaff commented, "The place is a death trap! Look at it. It's one gigantic, infernal machine. The walls are covered in pipes, gears and other mechanical contraptions. I was nearly scorched by a geyser of steam! And to top it off, what are these drinks they sell? Inviscid Flow, Hydraulic Fluid, Yonk's Modulus? It all sounds like some mad gibberish! Furthermore, we have evidence that this Yonk's Modulus drink creates illusions of the mind. That's irresponsible and dangerous. I encourage all good citizens to avoid this catastrophe like the plague."

The Herald managed to get a response from Dolcine Brightwater, "Oh, this place has a few quirks, I admit, but it's really harmless. Nobodies been hurt here yet, well seriously anyway. As for the drinks, Morte names them after things he hears Master Aeronif say in his laboratory. Yonk's Modulus is quite a popular drink. We've run out of it a few times and Morte is working hard to insure that doesn't happen again. It's especially popular with the students from the University. They call it Pixie Punch."