The Dragonlance Nexus

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http://www.dlnexus.com/features/humor/16639.aspx

The Kender (With Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe)

by Kevin James Kage


Once upon a morning Lightful
While I pondered, mildly spiteful,
Over what had happened in the darkness of the night before.
While I wondered, still in grieving,
If I really was perceiving,
This small being who wasn't leaving! Wasn't budging from my door!
This small man who said he'd come here,
Come to me from Kendermore!

Ah, (the thought of it runs sour!)
It was in the midnight hour,
And my books of Immortal power lay in order on the floor.
Suddenly a panic took me
Something deep inside me shook me
As I raced to find the book -- Where was Spellbook Volume 4???
Of that mage, Fistandantilus, whom this world will see no more!?!!
Where was his forgotten lore!?!!

Suddenly the chaos ended.
Logic anarchy amended.
Reasoning my soul befriended, and I knew its place once more!
'Neath my desk, I found my "guest."
A frightful figure was this pest.
All draped in pouches waist to chest -- a top knot on his head he wore!
"'Tis a Kender here!" I stuttered, eyeing all my books of lore.
Here he smiled and did no more.

In his hand, he held the tome --
Holding it as if his own.
Peering through its contents though he could not read the runes it bore.
Runes that drove the sanest mad!!!
Icy binds to burn the hand!!!
Yet he held it calmly and with out a tinge of fear or pain or more.
Sitting, smiling with this book no mortal could behold before.
Save for me, but I am more....

Then suddenly the creature spoke,
Not meaning to harm or provoke,
"Hi Raistlin!" said this Kender as he got up off my chamber floor.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE MY BOOK?!" I cried!
"I found it here!" He then replied,
"You must have lost it!" (then with pride) "I was going to put in your drawer!"
How many things have I possessed that he has "found" I am not sure,
Possibly, a hundred score!

"Kender!" I cried! "Leave this dwelling!"
I could feel my temper swelling.
"Take thy hand from out my pouch, and lead thyself out yonder door."
Never budging and yet smiling!
Face so innocent yet beguiling!!
INSULT UPON INJURY PILING!!! COULD NOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!
"Leave by foot or leave by spell! I do not care which anymore!"
(But he ne'er heard a word I swore!)

So I began to chant the spell
To bid our friend a fond farewell,
And banish him to the Abyss or someplace filled with more terror.
His ears perked up as did his heart
I realized with half a start,
Where e'er I sent him -- what dark part -- would be a treat to this traveler.
This Kender who feared not the spell would find a treat in Hades' shore.
Back was I where I was before!

I realized that he was fond
Of "whooshing" into my duck pond.
And even fiery mountains sent no shivers through his Kender core.
But treasures.... hmmm there was a plan!
And so I, for this little man,
Produced a bauble in my hand to give to Tas. Thus to insure
That he would never journey back to waltz across my chamber door.
He'd return nevermore!

What I gave, I could not say
'T'was something I had thrown away.
But that small bauble made his day! He promised me - he even swore!

Still...

I have trouble to no ends
I have to deal with ALL his friends
So Kenders will be haunting me, and Kenders haunt
FOREVERMORE!

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