The Dragonlance Nexus

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Mr. Mage Guy

by Crusader


A parody of 'American Pie' with apologies to Don McLean.

A long, long time ago...

I can still remember how that magic used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
I could make those inn patrons dance,
And mabey they'd be happy for a while.
But then the Firstmonth made me shiver,
With every spellbook I'd deliver,
Bad news on the First home's step...
I couldn't take one more step.
I can't remember if I cried,
When I read that Raistlin had died,
But something touched me deep inside,
The day, that old mage died...

(Refrain)

My, my, mister apprentice guy,
Man of power another hour, now you're just a small fry.
And he left his home, kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying soon I'm gonna be a mage guy,
Soon I'm gonna be a mage guy.

(Verse 2)

Did you fight the gods of love,
And do you believe in Paladine above,
If the clerics tell you so?
Now do you believe in a Dark Elves roll?
Can magic save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to cast spells real slow?
Well I know that you truley care for him,
I saw you waiting by the inn.
Though he cast off his shoes,
I can see you dig those magical hues!
I was a lonely teenage apprentice punk,
With some rose petals and some magical junk,
But I knew that I was out of luck,
The day, that old mage died.

(Refrain)

Now since the War of the Lance I've been on my own,
And Dwarves are greedy for gems of old.
But that's not how it used to be
when the kender sang for the king and queen in a jacket 'borrowed' from an evil fiend.
A holy voice came for you and me
Oh and while the king was looking down, the kender stole his holy crown.
The courtroom was adjourned, no ideas were returned, and while Astinus wrote a book of time, the gnomes practiced in the park and we tinkered with gears in the dark, the day, that old mage died.

(refrain)

Helter Skelter in a seventhmonth swelter the birds flew off with a Dravvish shelter.
Eight miles high and fallin fast, its the land that fell on the grass.
The warriors tried for a flanking pass with the Kender in the back lines in a cast.
Now the pre battle air was of sweet perfume while the heros hummed a marching tune.
We all got up to cheer oh but we never could in fear
Oh as the warriors tried to take the field the Gully Dwarf band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed, the day, that old mage died. We started singin...

(refrain)

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A group of heros out of place
With no time left to start again
So come on, Tas be nimble, Tas be quick
Tas Burrfoot sat on a candlestick
'Cause fire is the Dark Queen's only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him become a mage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No dark cleric born in hell
Could break that dark one's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrifical rite
I saw her dark majesty laughing with delight
The day that old mage died

(refrain)

I met a bard who had been to the dunes
And I asked him for some happy news
But he just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred tower
Where I'd seen the magic some other hour
But the man there said the magic woudn't go our way

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the bards dreamed
But not a spell was spoken
The towers enchantments all were broken
And the man that I admire most
Met with the blue lady, and now he's toast
I'm still here, but he's a ghost
The day that old mage died

(refrain)

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This item has been published here with permission from the author(s) and may not be reproduced without permission. This is a fan submission and its contents are completely unofficial. Some characters, places, likenesses and other names may be copyright Wizards of the Coast.